Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Path of Growth

At this point of my journey I am at the crossroads. There are many paths and I can only take one. There is a path that I find the most intriguing. The path is filled with much overgrown life. I cannot see what lies several meters ahead of me, but I can see at the distance and obstacles to reach the destination of this path. The reward seems minimal for the tasks to reach it. The path is filled with weeds that require hard work to weave and cut through. Then there is a large forrest of thorny vines that contain a poison called, "Hopelessness." I need much persistence to have any chance of passing through.

After the forest, there is a large bog, which I must wade through, requiring much focus or I will be drowned. After the bog I see what looks like a giant labyrinth made with confusing twists and turns, but with patience I know I can pass. Alas after labyrinth I see a band of thieves and muggers. I know with respect, understanding, and vigilance. They will allow me or even guide me to the path I must follow.

Finally what seems like the last task, I see a knight wearing a suit of armor made from mirrors, and a sword with a mirror polish. I must defeat him so I can have him as an ally in impossible times. For I know he is the only person I can depend on if no one else will come to my aid.

Now I must decide if I dare undergo this trial.

Days Gone Bye and Good Riddance

I look back into past and I see good times and some not so good times. It is a shame that my bad memories stand out much more than my good. Especially ones that ruin a friendship or the thought of some that were once close. The past has taught me much of the path of life I am currently taking. I have someone very special in my life now and I am very happy. I pray that we will always be happy. She tells me that I am her world; to me she is mine. The question is, "If you could turn back time to change anything, would you?"

My answer is definitely not, although I know I made a lot of foolish mistakes in my life, I know without them I wouldn't be here with my dearest love. Although I have a lot of unanswered questions, I am glad it's over. Life has been a large roller coaster for me, but it's the best roller coaster I have ever been on. I am glad to have someone to hold my hand on this unpredictable ride. Thank you Sweetheart.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

....Vinushka....Pt. II Red Snow

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. -Psalm 23:4

God help me, I am dying... I am so afriad....

"Remember, my child, Even though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you shall fear no evil, for I am with you. I am your rod and staff, they will comfort and protect you..."

My body anguished. I can't see a thing. The smoke is choking. All I could think about was her... I wish she could see me like this. Would she take pity on me now?

Light penetrated to my eyes. Everything is starting to clear up, now I just have to get out of the smoke. I slowly crept out of the rubble, and a chilling breeze wrapped around my body and wounds. Out of no where, it started to snow. I laid on the cold road staring at the falling snow from the heavens. I closed my eyes.

I found myself reliving last Christmas Eve. I tried to tell her that I would be okay and tried to make her see reason. I was leaving for the Army in a couple of weeks. My occupation was going to be the 75th Rangers Infantry, if I qualified. Alas I remembered her crying... Before I knew it she had me out of her house wailing, " I don't ever wanna see you again! He was right! You never loved me!" Slowly I opened my eyes. I found myself covered with snow. My body ached as I rose to my feet. I looked to the trees past the burning debris. I saw the girl's body still hanging there suspended by her piercings. Her face is now all mangled and stretched, but her dead eyes were fixed at where I laid. I scanned at the fiery wreckage, and saw the charred body of the monster that almost killed me. Then I saw my crosses laying close the inferno. I quickly went to retrieve my crosses, so I wouldn't get burned. As I picked up my crosses, I glanced at the charred carcass one more time, but this time I saw no head. The head was gone! I looked around quickly while holding my crosses and knife. I suddenly heard a something scramble towards me. I turned around and saw the disembodied head of the monster crawling towards me with arachnid-like legs attached to the spinal cord. It's mouth gnashed it's teeth. It's eyes wild with anger spouting bloody tears, and mouth poured out blood. My instincts took over, as the creature drew close, I punted it's vile being back into the wreckage. A loud shrill of anger and pain came from the flames. The head writhed in the blazing wreckage. Suddenly it sprung out of the flames sailing towards me. I swung my blade in straight vertical line while ducking. Next thing I heard were two plops on the ground. I looked at was was behind me. Two halves of the head; severed by my blade. I plunged the blade into the snow, and pulled blade from the snow slowly. The blade was cleansed of the creature's blood leaving a spot of red snow.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Love Before the Final Day.

What can I say? So much has happened to me this month. So much more than I expected. So many first time experiences have happened. It's been a very long time since I prayed to God, and for that I am ashamed. This month I was able polish off some rust collected on my warrior skills. I have dusted off my archery skills and polished my skills with the sword. Unfortunately I am still very much a novice in both aspects. But what I have really been lacking at is my self-discipline, motivation, and willpower. I am suppose to ready myself for the Army, but I have not the motivation to train myself. Perhaps I will soon. But the best of all that has happened all this month that I have found someone to share my love with once again. Our meeting was a very casual ordeal. But our bonding was the most interesting. I am fascinated that I didn't scare her away. But truthfully I wonder what was it that set off the flame in our hearts? I never thought I would end up here, but this is a good thing. It's funny how everything seems to change once you find that one thing you have wished for in your entire life. What can be said about love that has not been said? Let's see what next month brings forth....

Sunday, July 17, 2011

A Chance to Be at the Calm

Think light not dark, that's what she told me.
Let my mind orchestrate a masterpiece,
With optimism as the maestro,
The clacking of the keyboard and scratching of the pencils and pens; the instruments.
Let the words that are printed and engraved on paper be the notes,
And finally, wherever I take you... The symphony.
Time to try touching on something merry.
Enough tragedies for now.
Let's bring in the happy ending.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Talentless

"To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away." Matthew 25:15

Lately I been trying studying for the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB). Apparently I need to retest because the past two times I tested, I still didn't score high enough to qualify for the 75th Rangers. Now the ASVAB is pretty much a knowledge based test and is not very difficult at all. But what frustrates me is that for the past two times I was very confident I scored very well. It's like one of those things you thought you were a natural at. I felt very confident at the answers I chose and I thought I was set to almost any career I wanted in the ARMY. Well test scores came and I scored, to my standards, a very disappointing score. Now I scored above average. So my score was actually pretty decent. But I was hoping for more.
Well my latest score is a 61, and my GT score was 104. I need to raise my GT score to at least 110. So here goes my rant:

You know people who are naturally born with a sort of talent. Something that they pick up almost instantly. Well I am not one of those people. I wasn't blessed with a talent. Everything that I seem to have some form of competence in, I had to work on it. I worked hard, but it was fun. Things I liked, I did what I had to do to gain a bit of skill in it. But as I grew I found I wasn't the best at anything anymore. What I worked so much in was meaningless. So I have become humbled by all the "enlightening" lesson of life.

"There is always a bigger fish," I have remembered that phrase for the past 12 years. But sometimes I just want to say to myself, "Can't I, at least, be the biggest fish for this one thing?"

But maybe this is the best way in life. Not having anything given to you, but you have to work to get what you want? Maybe this will make me the better one in the end.

Nonetheless, starting with nothing is very frustrating and seemingly unfair, but perhaps the reward is worth all the labor.

But what really doesn't help is that I have developed a sense of lethargy and indifference for life. But maybe I can somehow over come this. Alas I have no solution how to.

I am slightly envious of my sister though, she just studies like it's nothing. I find it frustrating to redo something, I already thought I did right the first time.

Friday, July 8, 2011

A Place to Remember You Bye

Hear I sit on this bridge, watching the sun set, remembering that time we watched the sun set together for the 1st time...
I wonder, how many suns did set while we were together?
Watching this sun set makes my heart ache.
I continue to crossing this bridge.
This magnificent world seems now somewhat bleak.
People crowd this "paradise"
Where did these people come from?
I never saw so many.

I walk to the massive doors.
Alas they won't open for me like before...
With all my might I push against these giant guardians of love.
Slowly they creak open for me.
The songs they play... Are so beautiful.
Such as before.

I walk to the darkest corner of this great hall and I see the center.
I remember how we danced.
Now there are two lovers dancing their night away.
No one seems to notice them.

I wonder do you ever think about us?

Palace of Love

I am here now wandering through this memory.
The palace of where you 1st said you loved me.
It was once upon a time, you told me to close my eyes,
I felt your hands covering my eyes and I felt a pull at my soul.
I felt your hands lift and I opened my eyes,
I was surrounded by pillars embroidered with Nature.
Autumn was the setting.
All around laid leaves of gold, some being blown away by the wind.
I look up I see the great palace made of gold, nature, and relentless beauty.
You took my trembling hands and guided me deeper into this magnificent world.
This world where Man and Nature were in love.
We crossed a bridge of ivory, which was white as snow, supported by gold and nature.
You stopped and told me to sit here,
This very spot, where my feet dangled out of the bridge.
"Look at the setting sun..." You said.
As I watched, I felt like something was pulling at my heart.
You took my hand and pulled ever so gently signaling for me to get up.
You lead the way...
And I loved it.
Your hands were so warm, so very soft.
Your beautiful dress made you look so ever amazing.
"What is this feeling?" I thought to myself.
Two stair wells lead up to the massive golden doors.
We said at the same time, "Meet you half-way."
We chuckled and raced up the stairs.
This climb felt like a quest for great treasure.
I heard an orchestra play as I reached you.
You were the prize...
And I loved it.
You reached for my hand when we met.
As you held my hand, the doors instantly opened for us.
A great hall lit by diamond lights...
People dancing!
People happy!
Your face gave an aura of such indescribable beauty.
We walked hand and hand to the center of the hall.
The whole party seemed to be waiting for us.
All eyes on us as we reached the center.
Instantly we danced a glorious dance.
I knew what this feeling was!
Love.
Our dance was seen by all.
Amazement in their eyes.
This is what "true love" is!
You whispered these words to me...
"Ever since I laid eyes on you, I knew you were special, it's taken a while for me to say this, but I love you."
Hearing those words set my soul on fire.
You kissed me, and the great hall roared with cheer and joy.
"This is my destined one." I thought.

She was my world.

Life In My Arms

Well, as strange as it sounds, I want children. I always have.
As I was looking through one of my friends pictures of her children, I was reminded about my wishes to have children.
But the certain is pretty uncertain.
I will be in the Army, and if all goes to plan, then it's very likely I will face some combat tours.
This reminds me of a quote from the movie "Major Payne"

“I always figured if the Marines had wanted me to have a wife they’d a issued me one.”

It gives me a chuckle to hear that, but to me that sounds about right. I figure that I will be too caught up in the theater of combat, I will have no time to search for "true" love. But perhaps it will find me instead.... Then again love finding me didn't work out too well last time. But there are always 2nd chances.

There I go ranting about something off topic.
Having a child would be nice. Although it will be very challenging to raise a child, I am sure the reward is worth the hardships.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Hard to Look At....

This is me trying to make rhyming poem.

Come, let's see the fall.
See how the masses think their love is without flaw?
Holding hands everywhere, the park, the restaurants, the mall.
Until one day something cripples their "love" into a crawl.
In the end the lovers part ways and have a bawl.

I see my friend's love come to an end.
Wishing there was blessing I can send.
It's hard to look at....
Alone in the dark he sat.
The was scene was familiar.

An angel hath told me his love, and the end of it.

"Little things used to mean so much to Shelly - I used to think they were kind of trivial. Believe me, nothing is trivial." - Eric Draven.

This is me giving up on rhyming. When I rhyme it's cheesy.

It makes me wonder if things would have been different, if I had payed attention to the small things?
Maybe she would have stayed.
Maybe she was right, we had too many different interests.
She loved cloths, I loved battle.
She loved materialism, I loved spiritualism.
Hers was making love and vanity.
Mine was piety and purity.
She saw the finer details of life, I saw the whole picture.
She wanted physical gratification, I wanted spiritual.
In the end, I didn't meet her needs.
I never returned what she wanted to give me.
My fault.

Why the hell am I bringing this up again?

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Materialistic? Me?

So the deal is I bought me some new tools to work with. I am quite excited to receive them. This, however, reminds me of a customer I had on Friday evening. He told me about somebody winning the Powerball Lottery, he said he would have loved to have that money. It was something like 200 Million dollars. I thought about what money would mean to me. To me, money is the key to luxury. It makes life easier, but I know it's not a real necessity. It's a given I would use the money to help my family and friends. Then I would donate the majority to trusted charities, medical research programs, and missions. Then whatever was left over I would spend on some of my wants and save the rest.

Now that I look back, I remember all money spend the toys and action figures spent on me when I was young. Then I remember weapons I have bought over the past few years. Now I think, was it all necessary? Some people might say, "If didn't have those things on you, then you just wouldn't be Chih."

Now that really has me thinking... Am I a materialistic person? Do these tools make me who I am? Do people know me by them? I also remember one of my classmates in my Journey to Careers class. We didn't talk much at all, then one day she asks me about my knives. I was shocked she knew something like that about me. She mentioned some guys who talked how great I was with a knife. How I was a good knife fighter and I can do all those fancy tricks. In reality, I know my way around a knife, but I am far from an experienced knife fighter. Hell, I even cut myself recently with one of my blades. And I don't know any tricks with knives. I just know how to fix and rig some blades. One more thing, I didn't even know these guys who bragged about me.

So if you take away all my tools then who would I be?

Who is Chih? Am I a materialistic person?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

My... Melted Snow

"In last year's final days of snow, steadfast promises were made
I remember them as the snow melts and spills out of my hands" ~ Dir en grey - ain't afraid to die

These "steadfast" promises, like the snow, melted away.
All traces of the promises were slowly evaporated or consumed by the earth.
Desperately I tried to save what was left. All in vain.
With a broken spirit, I collapse on the ground.
I stared up to the heavens, and I see bits snow drifting down slowly.
With an outstretched hand I tried to reach for at least a little flake.
Even that I was denied.

Then I heard laughter, I turned my head.
At the distance, I see a woman and a man.
This woman! My...
I reached out for her, hoping she would see me. And come back to me.
Then the man pulled a box from his pocket.
The box began to glitter as he opened it...
In it was a promise.
Her face lighted up with awe.
The promises made to her was everything she wanted.
"You're my world, you make me complete...." she said.
Then in a matter of seconds, I saw their life unfolding before me.

Together they were happy, had children, raised these children, then these children had children.
I watched My... and that man grow old. Then they both laid in bed, closed their eyes together and died together.

Is it fair?
It wasn't meant to be.
Good for you My...

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Fair Redemption

As I teetered at the edge of my faith, I remembered...
Your eyes, indigo.
Your skin, soft and warm.
I thought back to the day we become one.
I stared at this tungsten carbide band on my hand.
I saw your face. Smiling, crying tears of joy.
Oh how I wish to be with you.
As I leaned forward, a gale of wind blew me back.
I fell back ever so slowly...
I closed my eyes, crying, thinking how could I have failed?
Suddenly I heard your voice.
I opened my eyes and I saw you!
You were as bright as the sun!
You came down to me...
Telling me these words, "Angels descending, bring from above, echos of mercy and whispers of love. Live and know that I will always be watching over you."
Amazing Grace...
I love you.
I no longer felt the sharp sting in my chest.
I felt lighter, no longer was the weight of guilt on me.
I am free.
Thank you...
I'll see you soon my love, but I will live for you.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Is It Fair?

As I climb these stairs, I start to wonder.
Why am I thinking of you?
I find myself thinking about life's meaning, since you are gone now.
It's been 30 years, 8 months, and 3 days, since we had our first kiss.
Back when you were still alive these little details didn't matter to me.
Look at me now; counting every second I live without you.
It's been 7 years, 8 months, and 1 day.
I find myself on the edge.
I close my eyes and face where the sun once was.
There are storm clouds blotting out the sun...
I suddenly cannot even remember the color of your eyes or the warmth of your touch.
Despair is in the sky.
I now ask myself....
Is there a God?
If there is, how can he let this happen?
Is there a Hell?
Then why do I not care?
Just one last step...
Thunder, lightening, wind tear through this city now...
I've turn my face against the wind.
Take me away, I want to go.
I've learned to lose.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Whys And Hows

Today we reopen the old wounds
To discover the whys and hows.
We slice apart the bandages so tightly wrapped.
Let's rip apart the stitches.
Rip and rip, listen to the howls.
We see the flowing blood, so dark it's practically black.
We see the mangled flesh, so ruined it's beautiful.
We pick and prod, the wound seems to weep the ebony.
We read it's history.
We listened to it's suffering.
We see the why and how.
Now we see the one's that have inflicted it.

Friday, March 25, 2011

A Matter of Trust

People need to learn that trust can't be easily won back. When you lie and break promises; it's like backstabbing. Sure you can be nice, sweet, caring, and pretend as if nothing has happened. But words won't do you any good. To me it's a mask, because I've already seen your true colors, and I know what you are capable of doing. You need to prove to me you want my trust back. TRUST me when I say, "This hurts me more than it hurts you."

The Way of a Soldat





What can I say after it was done? Like everything you had was gone now.
Until death do us part? It never happened.

"Everything (Love) is black and white again. There is no turning back now. We have reached a time when people have a need for each other... When people have been taught to feel their desire and their doubts... We have reached an age when love is the question and the answer." - (Edited & Paraphrased by me)~ Luv Sic Pt. 3 (Extended) - Nujabes ft. Shing02.

"It's very hard to find someone willing to see your guts fall out, and then still be there for you in the way that you need them." -Meemee Koe

In the end, all things come into full circle.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Ironic Foreshadowing? Too Much Information? Did I Just Read Myself?



This was the last love song she sent to me. When I read the lyrics to this song. I feel like she was trying to convey something to me. I have mixed feelings about the song. I love the song and all. But I struggle with it because of her. Haha perhaps I am reading to much into this. Yes everything heals with time. I think I am getting stronger. Of course I still hurt when I see her or hear from her. Like whenever I got texts from her last week, I suddenly felt shocked and at pain. I remember I couldn't concentrate and my stomach really started to hurt. I just wanted to go home then.

Friends do make everything better though. There's a lot I wish to say and stuff, I want someone to listen and vent to. But perhaps this is the best way. So I don't annoy that someone. Then again, who knows? Perhaps it's best to keep personal things; personal.

I also realized a while back my entries coincide with my emotions and personal life.
I realized that whenever I am depressed, I, of course write about depressing stuff, but that's not it. I tend to put out more entries. I MAKE time to write, because I usually don't have the time. This brings back memories of the Myspace days during my high school freshman year. Also my style writing is that of the romantics. Very interesting.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

It's Really Time to Let Go, So Watch Me Fall.

A friend has been going through some tough times. He just made a comment; wanting June 13th to arrive faster. That's when he ships out to boot camp. He feels there is nothing for him here anymore.
Truthfully I can't blame him, I feel there is nothing in the civilian life for me anymore. Of course I have family and friends, perhaps they are the reason I am still kicking. It's just that I am still somewhat stuck on my past relationship, and it's hard to let go. I am sure I will get over it. Everything will be okay, it always turns out that way. I've lost a lot of enthusiasm for life, I don't mean to sound suicidal at all. I just don't really care about a long life. Who wants to live forever? Wouldn't that be a curse? You see so many of your loved ones die, then you make new ones; then they die. The cycle continues forever until you somehow get utterly destroyed.
I always keep saying, I am going to start working out, but now I lost the motivation for it. But I am sure this feeling of lethargy will pass. But if it doesn't pass soon I will definitely be hitting the grinder. It just sucks to exercise alone. No motivation. But perhaps that's what I need to get used to.
I've been praying a lot lately, for God to remove my emotional attachment, peace, and for me to just finally let go.
I believe she is a sweet woman, she deserved better than me. I keep praying for her happiness. Truth be told I am not entirely what happened. She told me I was the 2nd best thing that ever happened to her; the 1st is her daughter. I was told it was nothing my fault. But truthfully, why would it end then? Can you truly lose the "feeling of love"? I wonder a lot, was it truly love she had for me? Or was it infatuation and... Well, never mind that.
I am glad we are friends, but I keep catching myself from calling her, "Love".
I wonder if she still wants to write me while I am in the Army? I somehow doubt it. It would be nice if she did, but it makes me wonder if she's ready for the days that the letter will never return? I've asked that about her before, she teared up.
Let me drop that subject.
Makes me wonder if she ever reads this? She said she would bookmark it, but who knows? Maybe this is a way I can convey my feelings to her. I hope she doesn't get pissed or feels... Well, I won't mention it. I hope one day she will tell me the whole truth, even though it might not be pleasant.
But you know this writing is very liberating. I am not sure if there is anyone that likes reading this garbage I write. I am sure they read this, and say, "This garbage is childish and annoying," and perhaps it is. But it kinda frees me.
The good old days, when Love was just from the family. And there was no feeling of being lost.
In a way, I've had it, I am bitter again. I sometimes just want to shout and shift blame to everyone I know, and tell them "Watch me fall."
Wow that was just childish.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Plastic Lines Bought Us Back



The curtain of silence has been lifted.
But we are no longer the same.
There is no more intimate love.
We are bought back together as friends.
But deep inside of me, I still love you.
My heart is still heavy.
I wonder if you feel it too?
Plastic; it was what made us one.
The other men you now "Love" I hope you are happy.
In time I will return to peace.
I just wished I knew you were lying to me.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Moving On

Finding out that you found someone other than me really destroyed me.
I wished you would have told me.
Isn't that what friends do?
Didn't you want to be friends?
Alas, I am glad you are happy and complete now.
I am sorry I didn't do either of those for you.
Did you lie, when you said I did?
What happened?

In the end, you are happy, that is all that matters.

I am now taking inventory. Contemplation....




Now I know that your love for me was never love. Just infatuation.
I loved you... And I still do... But now I am letting you go.
Time for me to grow up.
I've been immature about these feelings.
But I never let them get the best of me.
They are now festering inside my soul.

I pray for your happiness.
I know Christianity isn't your thing, but please pray for my peace.
You owe me that much.

My arms are still opened to you.
No matter what, you will always be a friend.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Seethe Undying Memory of Love


Remembering the ones that I held close to my heart.
My beloved, I trusted her, because she saved my life not just once.
Whenever my beloved left me, so did our adopted and unborn child.
She wanted no child to hinder her desires.
For the unborn child, she faded away as if she was never existed.
I told the poor adopted child I would always be with her and I wouldn't abandon her.
During the night, as I slept, my beloved little girl ran away, and found a new father.
I suppose it was for the best.
I wept and beckoned to the Almighty, "Why?"
Finally, I was smote with fatigue and terrible pains to the heart.
Maybe God has finally had enough of my wailing.
I found myself curled up and hugging my pillow for comfort.
The pillow used to represent... Now it's just a lifeless sack of fabric.
I used to look forward to sleeping...
Because I always felt we could meet in a plane higher than of this material one.
Now when I sleep, it's so cold, dark, and full of monsters.
You aren't there to protect me anymore.
I wander the dreams alone now.
To fade away would be a blessing.
I know my unborn child is in the Heavens waiting for me.
I sleep again, praying I may not wake up.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

What the Hell Are You Doing to Yourself?

Going back to memories of my second life.
Thinking of ending so many things.
Contemplation of the end can be....
So very liberating.
With a click of some buttons it can be all over.
A single leap to from...

What the hell are you thinking?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Easy Thing to Do Now Is Cry

We came back as one.
We loved each other, or I thought we did.
I thought we were happy again.

You said your love for me was now gone.
You said you where sorry.
Sorry for breaking the promise.
You hated hurting me.

It'll be okay.

Plain and simple.
It'll be okay. I still love you.
Yes, I desire you to be my friend.
If you are reading this, now you know my answer.
Don't feel guilty. It'll be okay.

I will leave you alone as you wish.
I always have open arms. Whenever you are ready, I am too.

Take care, and be safe.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What Happened to Our Vows?

I never thought it would happen. Especially the way it did.
Then again, it was foolish of me to think like that.
I always said I was naive and it turned out I was right after all.
But why did it end this way?
What happened until death do us part?
What happened to the Love that will surpass even death...?
What happened to my light?
The light that would have guided me out of the dark?
I even gave you what was precious to me.
I gave you.... Never mind.
Truth is, I made sacrifices for you, and alas you did so much too.
You gave up our unborn child, but for what?
You said you were holding me back from happiness, but every moment I spent with you...
I was free, I had my wings, I swear I could fly.
In the real world, no other girl would have given me a second glance.
Because of my looks. It hurts.
Not allowing me a chance to love or to be loved.
But you...
You gave me something I never was given.
That chance to love. That chance to be loved.
I had so much to give; it burdened me.
Then when you came and took the weight off my body...
Now I feel as if you took too much and crashed...
I blame myself...
Forgive me, My... It can't be said.
My heart weighs heavy for you.
Now I wonder, was it because of the look that I donned to hide my true skin?
Was the only reason you chose to give into me was because of the shell?
I want to let you go.... But I can't.
I slept with tears that night.
No more, "Kisses and Embraces <3" or, "See You Soon."
Just, "Take care.... and sweet dreams."

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Double Lives

Secrets known, secrets unknown, ask and you may get truth or a half penny. The judgment of the world is often harsh. Pity
Every night I say, "See you soon," Because I want to see you in my dreams.
"Kisses and Embraces," because you are the angel I've been waiting for...
"<3" Because you have my heart.
"My dear, my love, my sweet, my angel," you are all.
As simple as these texts are, they hold so true about how I feel about you.
I don't want to lose you, but time is not our friend. If only we can sleep and dream of our love.
If only our second life was our first life.
We can fly with our wings spread wide and soar high, into the morning glory.
We would dance all night in the moonlight, in that wonderful palace of gold and splendor.
My 19th year plus 1 day, we will become one.
See you soon.
Kisses and Embraces.
<3
I love you. Always.