Talentless

"To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away." Matthew 25:15

Lately I been trying studying for the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB). Apparently I need to retest because the past two times I tested, I still didn't score high enough to qualify for the 75th Rangers. Now the ASVAB is pretty much a knowledge based test and is not very difficult at all. But what frustrates me is that for the past two times I was very confident I scored very well. It's like one of those things you thought you were a natural at. I felt very confident at the answers I chose and I thought I was set to almost any career I wanted in the ARMY. Well test scores came and I scored, to my standards, a very disappointing score. Now I scored above average. So my score was actually pretty decent. But I was hoping for more.
Well my latest score is a 61, and my GT score was 104. I need to raise my GT score to at least 110. So here goes my rant:

You know people who are naturally born with a sort of talent. Something that they pick up almost instantly. Well I am not one of those people. I wasn't blessed with a talent. Everything that I seem to have some form of competence in, I had to work on it. I worked hard, but it was fun. Things I liked, I did what I had to do to gain a bit of skill in it. But as I grew I found I wasn't the best at anything anymore. What I worked so much in was meaningless. So I have become humbled by all the "enlightening" lesson of life.

"There is always a bigger fish," I have remembered that phrase for the past 12 years. But sometimes I just want to say to myself, "Can't I, at least, be the biggest fish for this one thing?"

But maybe this is the best way in life. Not having anything given to you, but you have to work to get what you want? Maybe this will make me the better one in the end.

Nonetheless, starting with nothing is very frustrating and seemingly unfair, but perhaps the reward is worth all the labor.

But what really doesn't help is that I have developed a sense of lethargy and indifference for life. But maybe I can somehow over come this. Alas I have no solution how to.

I am slightly envious of my sister though, she just studies like it's nothing. I find it frustrating to redo something, I already thought I did right the first time.