There Are No White Chocolate Kisses...

As I stand at the cash register, I stop and think of you. The next customer walks up to counter, and out of 2nd nature I ask, "How can I help you?" As the customer starts naming off several of the item she wanted, I thought about what you liked to do.... Hug.... I thought of the times I held you tightly and the time my girl friends tell me they don't like tight hugs. Only gentle, soft and distant hugs.... My heart sank. I knew my heart was set for you but you did not know. I wanted you to say, "I love you!" once more. Even though you said that to everyone. You only ment it as a friendly manner. I remember watching hug all your boy friends. I understood what your hugs ment by your face, the duration, the tension you had in your body. So I understood how you felt of them whenever you hugged them.

Last time I hugged you. I knew how you felt about me. I felt alone and cold. But why you even wanted my hug that time, I didn't know. Sometimes I wish I never told you, that I had feelings for you. Ultimately I knew your feelings for me changed.

In our embrace, I felt a slight push, uneasiness, like an I-wish-you-weren't-here-so-I-didn't-have-to-hug-you, kind of hug. In that moment I wished knew how to be one of your best friends. As I put more thought into it.... I started to wish that you never got close to me and I never harbored any feelings for you.... Alas it was too late.
My eyes welled up with tears.... I suddenly caught my-self thinking too much.
I quickly my realize my customer finished naming off her list.... All I heard was white chocolate kisses and damn....

That wasn't even on the menu....

So I said, "Ma'am, there are no white chocolate kisses."

To Raise Them Up as They Fall...

A young soul asks you out of no where, these questions:

Why do I have these feelings? These feelings of emptyness? I believe that I have reached God,

but I still feel so distant, why? What is my purpose? What is wrong? Am I doing something

Wrong? Why am I having those terrible thoughts? Why did I wait? Why did she not see me?

Why didn't she see fit to give me chance? Why am I thinking of the past now? Long

and forgotten. I had so many chances to just end it, but why did I think of that? What do I

have to live for?"

Now you challenge is to give the young soul the answer he seeks.... Answer wisely, because your answers could change his life for the better or worse or not at all.... Good Luck ^-^

Mind and Madness II

Hmm...... It's been a while since I posted something. To write something emotional.... And to find my emotional status.... Well here is something emotional (hopefully) and might give you a hint of what's going on in my head.



These lyrics are from the song Emu~For My Dear by Gackt.



The joy from my heart at our sudden meeting says"Maybe it'll be over before I know it..." those forebodings scare me (1)
And then I was gazing into your eyes
Without understanding anything
They're not forever changing, so how many phantoms,
Like memories and dreams, could you file away
And now I gazed into your eyes
Without changing anything
If I stretch out my hand, the smile I reach is fleeting
If I close my eyes, I want to hold
Your vanishing body once more in my arms
Because I can't forget that time, that place where we met...
dancing in the breeze, your body
Was being enveloped in light
I was only watching you
I was forever gazing into your eyes
Even now I watch only you
Without changing anything
If I stretch out my hand, the smile I reach is pained
If I close my eyes, I want to hold
Your vanishing body once more in my dreams
Because I can't forget that time, that place where we met...
Because I can't forget...

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(sorry if you don't understand just mindless rambling)

To tell the truth.... this song pretty much how I am feeling.... I just don't know why I am all of the sudden thinking of past wounds... Maybe it's my most recent wounds.
In a way I am glad I found the truth to the reasoning.... I just with she could have told me the truth herself. I am okay though. This stage will pass. Haha I am just thinking of all of them.... Reading back on my good friend's blog,"Why him and not me?" I can't express how much thinking those words, hurt. Geez My mind is turning into mush.... I can't think straight, my Creative writing is wilting away.... I can't spell. God help me, I am losing my English....