Path of Growth

At this point of my journey I am at the crossroads. There are many paths and I can only take one. There is a path that I find the most intriguing. The path is filled with much overgrown life. I cannot see what lies several meters ahead of me, but I can see at the distance and obstacles to reach the destination of this path. The reward seems minimal for the tasks to reach it. The path is filled with weeds that require hard work to weave and cut through. Then there is a large forrest of thorny vines that contain a poison called, "Hopelessness." I need much persistence to have any chance of passing through.

After the forest, there is a large bog, which I must wade through, requiring much focus or I will be drowned. After the bog I see what looks like a giant labyrinth made with confusing twists and turns, but with patience I know I can pass. Alas after labyrinth I see a band of thieves and muggers. I know with respect, understanding, and vigilance. They will allow me or even guide me to the path I must follow.

Finally what seems like the last task, I see a knight wearing a suit of armor made from mirrors, and a sword with a mirror polish. I must defeat him so I can have him as an ally in impossible times. For I know he is the only person I can depend on if no one else will come to my aid.

Now I must decide if I dare undergo this trial.

Days Gone Bye and Good Riddance

I look back into past and I see good times and some not so good times. It is a shame that my bad memories stand out much more than my good. Especially ones that ruin a friendship or the thought of some that were once close. The past has taught me much of the path of life I am currently taking. I have someone very special in my life now and I am very happy. I pray that we will always be happy. She tells me that I am her world; to me she is mine. The question is, "If you could turn back time to change anything, would you?"

My answer is definitely not, although I know I made a lot of foolish mistakes in my life, I know without them I wouldn't be here with my dearest love. Although I have a lot of unanswered questions, I am glad it's over. Life has been a large roller coaster for me, but it's the best roller coaster I have ever been on. I am glad to have someone to hold my hand on this unpredictable ride. Thank you Sweetheart.

....Vinushka....Pt. II Red Snow

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. -Psalm 23:4

God help me, I am dying... I am so afriad....

"Remember, my child, Even though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you shall fear no evil, for I am with you. I am your rod and staff, they will comfort and protect you..."

My body anguished. I can't see a thing. The smoke is choking. All I could think about was her... I wish she could see me like this. Would she take pity on me now?

Light penetrated to my eyes. Everything is starting to clear up, now I just have to get out of the smoke. I slowly crept out of the rubble, and a chilling breeze wrapped around my body and wounds. Out of no where, it started to snow. I laid on the cold road staring at the falling snow from the heavens. I closed my eyes.

I found myself reliving last Christmas Eve. I tried to tell her that I would be okay and tried to make her see reason. I was leaving for the Army in a couple of weeks. My occupation was going to be the 75th Rangers Infantry, if I qualified. Alas I remembered her crying... Before I knew it she had me out of her house wailing, " I don't ever wanna see you again! He was right! You never loved me!" Slowly I opened my eyes. I found myself covered with snow. My body ached as I rose to my feet. I looked to the trees past the burning debris. I saw the girl's body still hanging there suspended by her piercings. Her face is now all mangled and stretched, but her dead eyes were fixed at where I laid. I scanned at the fiery wreckage, and saw the charred body of the monster that almost killed me. Then I saw my crosses laying close the inferno. I quickly went to retrieve my crosses, so I wouldn't get burned. As I picked up my crosses, I glanced at the charred carcass one more time, but this time I saw no head. The head was gone! I looked around quickly while holding my crosses and knife. I suddenly heard a something scramble towards me. I turned around and saw the disembodied head of the monster crawling towards me with arachnid-like legs attached to the spinal cord. It's mouth gnashed it's teeth. It's eyes wild with anger spouting bloody tears, and mouth poured out blood. My instincts took over, as the creature drew close, I punted it's vile being back into the wreckage. A loud shrill of anger and pain came from the flames. The head writhed in the blazing wreckage. Suddenly it sprung out of the flames sailing towards me. I swung my blade in straight vertical line while ducking. Next thing I heard were two plops on the ground. I looked at was was behind me. Two halves of the head; severed by my blade. I plunged the blade into the snow, and pulled blade from the snow slowly. The blade was cleansed of the creature's blood leaving a spot of red snow.

Love Before the Final Day.

What can I say? So much has happened to me this month. So much more than I expected. So many first time experiences have happened. It's been a very long time since I prayed to God, and for that I am ashamed. This month I was able polish off some rust collected on my warrior skills. I have dusted off my archery skills and polished my skills with the sword. Unfortunately I am still very much a novice in both aspects. But what I have really been lacking at is my self-discipline, motivation, and willpower. I am suppose to ready myself for the Army, but I have not the motivation to train myself. Perhaps I will soon. But the best of all that has happened all this month that I have found someone to share my love with once again. Our meeting was a very casual ordeal. But our bonding was the most interesting. I am fascinated that I didn't scare her away. But truthfully I wonder what was it that set off the flame in our hearts? I never thought I would end up here, but this is a good thing. It's funny how everything seems to change once you find that one thing you have wished for in your entire life. What can be said about love that has not been said? Let's see what next month brings forth....

A Chance to Be at the Calm

Think light not dark, that's what she told me.
Let my mind orchestrate a masterpiece,
With optimism as the maestro,
The clacking of the keyboard and scratching of the pencils and pens; the instruments.
Let the words that are printed and engraved on paper be the notes,
And finally, wherever I take you... The symphony.
Time to try touching on something merry.
Enough tragedies for now.
Let's bring in the happy ending.

Talentless

"To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away." Matthew 25:15

Lately I been trying studying for the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB). Apparently I need to retest because the past two times I tested, I still didn't score high enough to qualify for the 75th Rangers. Now the ASVAB is pretty much a knowledge based test and is not very difficult at all. But what frustrates me is that for the past two times I was very confident I scored very well. It's like one of those things you thought you were a natural at. I felt very confident at the answers I chose and I thought I was set to almost any career I wanted in the ARMY. Well test scores came and I scored, to my standards, a very disappointing score. Now I scored above average. So my score was actually pretty decent. But I was hoping for more.
Well my latest score is a 61, and my GT score was 104. I need to raise my GT score to at least 110. So here goes my rant:

You know people who are naturally born with a sort of talent. Something that they pick up almost instantly. Well I am not one of those people. I wasn't blessed with a talent. Everything that I seem to have some form of competence in, I had to work on it. I worked hard, but it was fun. Things I liked, I did what I had to do to gain a bit of skill in it. But as I grew I found I wasn't the best at anything anymore. What I worked so much in was meaningless. So I have become humbled by all the "enlightening" lesson of life.

"There is always a bigger fish," I have remembered that phrase for the past 12 years. But sometimes I just want to say to myself, "Can't I, at least, be the biggest fish for this one thing?"

But maybe this is the best way in life. Not having anything given to you, but you have to work to get what you want? Maybe this will make me the better one in the end.

Nonetheless, starting with nothing is very frustrating and seemingly unfair, but perhaps the reward is worth all the labor.

But what really doesn't help is that I have developed a sense of lethargy and indifference for life. But maybe I can somehow over come this. Alas I have no solution how to.

I am slightly envious of my sister though, she just studies like it's nothing. I find it frustrating to redo something, I already thought I did right the first time.

A Place to Remember You Bye

Hear I sit on this bridge, watching the sun set, remembering that time we watched the sun set together for the 1st time...
I wonder, how many suns did set while we were together?
Watching this sun set makes my heart ache.
I continue to crossing this bridge.
This magnificent world seems now somewhat bleak.
People crowd this "paradise"
Where did these people come from?
I never saw so many.

I walk to the massive doors.
Alas they won't open for me like before...
With all my might I push against these giant guardians of love.
Slowly they creak open for me.
The songs they play... Are so beautiful.
Such as before.

I walk to the darkest corner of this great hall and I see the center.
I remember how we danced.
Now there are two lovers dancing their night away.
No one seems to notice them.

I wonder do you ever think about us?