Sunday, July 17, 2011

A Chance to Be at the Calm

Think light not dark, that's what she told me.
Let my mind orchestrate a masterpiece,
With optimism as the maestro,
The clacking of the keyboard and scratching of the pencils and pens; the instruments.
Let the words that are printed and engraved on paper be the notes,
And finally, wherever I take you... The symphony.
Time to try touching on something merry.
Enough tragedies for now.
Let's bring in the happy ending.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Talentless

"To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away." Matthew 25:15

Lately I been trying studying for the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB). Apparently I need to retest because the past two times I tested, I still didn't score high enough to qualify for the 75th Rangers. Now the ASVAB is pretty much a knowledge based test and is not very difficult at all. But what frustrates me is that for the past two times I was very confident I scored very well. It's like one of those things you thought you were a natural at. I felt very confident at the answers I chose and I thought I was set to almost any career I wanted in the ARMY. Well test scores came and I scored, to my standards, a very disappointing score. Now I scored above average. So my score was actually pretty decent. But I was hoping for more.
Well my latest score is a 61, and my GT score was 104. I need to raise my GT score to at least 110. So here goes my rant:

You know people who are naturally born with a sort of talent. Something that they pick up almost instantly. Well I am not one of those people. I wasn't blessed with a talent. Everything that I seem to have some form of competence in, I had to work on it. I worked hard, but it was fun. Things I liked, I did what I had to do to gain a bit of skill in it. But as I grew I found I wasn't the best at anything anymore. What I worked so much in was meaningless. So I have become humbled by all the "enlightening" lesson of life.

"There is always a bigger fish," I have remembered that phrase for the past 12 years. But sometimes I just want to say to myself, "Can't I, at least, be the biggest fish for this one thing?"

But maybe this is the best way in life. Not having anything given to you, but you have to work to get what you want? Maybe this will make me the better one in the end.

Nonetheless, starting with nothing is very frustrating and seemingly unfair, but perhaps the reward is worth all the labor.

But what really doesn't help is that I have developed a sense of lethargy and indifference for life. But maybe I can somehow over come this. Alas I have no solution how to.

I am slightly envious of my sister though, she just studies like it's nothing. I find it frustrating to redo something, I already thought I did right the first time.

Friday, July 8, 2011

A Place to Remember You Bye

Hear I sit on this bridge, watching the sun set, remembering that time we watched the sun set together for the 1st time...
I wonder, how many suns did set while we were together?
Watching this sun set makes my heart ache.
I continue to crossing this bridge.
This magnificent world seems now somewhat bleak.
People crowd this "paradise"
Where did these people come from?
I never saw so many.

I walk to the massive doors.
Alas they won't open for me like before...
With all my might I push against these giant guardians of love.
Slowly they creak open for me.
The songs they play... Are so beautiful.
Such as before.

I walk to the darkest corner of this great hall and I see the center.
I remember how we danced.
Now there are two lovers dancing their night away.
No one seems to notice them.

I wonder do you ever think about us?

Palace of Love

I am here now wandering through this memory.
The palace of where you 1st said you loved me.
It was once upon a time, you told me to close my eyes,
I felt your hands covering my eyes and I felt a pull at my soul.
I felt your hands lift and I opened my eyes,
I was surrounded by pillars embroidered with Nature.
Autumn was the setting.
All around laid leaves of gold, some being blown away by the wind.
I look up I see the great palace made of gold, nature, and relentless beauty.
You took my trembling hands and guided me deeper into this magnificent world.
This world where Man and Nature were in love.
We crossed a bridge of ivory, which was white as snow, supported by gold and nature.
You stopped and told me to sit here,
This very spot, where my feet dangled out of the bridge.
"Look at the setting sun..." You said.
As I watched, I felt like something was pulling at my heart.
You took my hand and pulled ever so gently signaling for me to get up.
You lead the way...
And I loved it.
Your hands were so warm, so very soft.
Your beautiful dress made you look so ever amazing.
"What is this feeling?" I thought to myself.
Two stair wells lead up to the massive golden doors.
We said at the same time, "Meet you half-way."
We chuckled and raced up the stairs.
This climb felt like a quest for great treasure.
I heard an orchestra play as I reached you.
You were the prize...
And I loved it.
You reached for my hand when we met.
As you held my hand, the doors instantly opened for us.
A great hall lit by diamond lights...
People dancing!
People happy!
Your face gave an aura of such indescribable beauty.
We walked hand and hand to the center of the hall.
The whole party seemed to be waiting for us.
All eyes on us as we reached the center.
Instantly we danced a glorious dance.
I knew what this feeling was!
Love.
Our dance was seen by all.
Amazement in their eyes.
This is what "true love" is!
You whispered these words to me...
"Ever since I laid eyes on you, I knew you were special, it's taken a while for me to say this, but I love you."
Hearing those words set my soul on fire.
You kissed me, and the great hall roared with cheer and joy.
"This is my destined one." I thought.

She was my world.

Life In My Arms

Well, as strange as it sounds, I want children. I always have.
As I was looking through one of my friends pictures of her children, I was reminded about my wishes to have children.
But the certain is pretty uncertain.
I will be in the Army, and if all goes to plan, then it's very likely I will face some combat tours.
This reminds me of a quote from the movie "Major Payne"

“I always figured if the Marines had wanted me to have a wife they’d a issued me one.”

It gives me a chuckle to hear that, but to me that sounds about right. I figure that I will be too caught up in the theater of combat, I will have no time to search for "true" love. But perhaps it will find me instead.... Then again love finding me didn't work out too well last time. But there are always 2nd chances.

There I go ranting about something off topic.
Having a child would be nice. Although it will be very challenging to raise a child, I am sure the reward is worth the hardships.