The Problem of Peace.

"All I want is peace," his soul laments. The peace he wants is within his family. His only want was love and peace between them. A happy family was what he believed was his savior. His family was his God. As war broke out, he fell onto his knees. He put his face to the mud to deafen his lamentation. He desires to breath in the mud. Let it fill his lungs, let it release him from this war. However he chokes and coughs out the wet dirt. He return inside his "home". His cleans his face and heads to the dinner where his family sits, awkwardly facing each other. He feels the cold stares. Mental daggers being thrown across the table. He picks up his spoon and shovels his food into his mouth. As he dines, he dreams of a life where he explores the world, making friends from around the world. "If only..." He thinks to himself. 

Thank You for the Truth

"You can trust me. I swear I am here for you. Like you were always there for me." Those were words he hoped he would never regret to hear. So many forbidden truths told. His eyes widened. His hand trembled. His heart sank. It felt as if the air was sucked from his lungs. His eyes burned with pain. The truth hurts. He forever suspected such things, but didn't have the courage to inquire about it. Alas now the truth is known, but he can never reveal such truths to his family. War would rage once again. He, caught in-between the wills of those he loves, wishes for peace. His mind bending, his body writhed in pain, and his soul crushed. Where does he go from here? "Is there anyone out there?" His spirit cries. 

Senses of Days Gone By

I remember how much life I have experienced due to all of you. 

Twisted Beauty, I remember when you were pushed to me.  I remember the smell of my lunch, when we gave seceretly gave each other messages. We made wonderful plans and promises.  I remember the smell of the grass and root beer, when you ran from me. I remember the smell of popcorn, fruit punch, and the cold air when I was betrayed by you. 

Bubbly Sweetness, I remember the smell of the gathering place when I was first introduced to you. I was so curious about you. I remember the smell of the vanilla dragon. The smell of my incense when you were in my arms. I, alas remember the greasy smell of that place we always loved to dine at, when you said the words that changed both you and me, "Never you,"

Beautiful Spell, I remember when I first laid my eyes on you I could smell the autum. When you first confessed to me, I could smell the beach and sand at this wonderful palace you took me to dance. Hearing the wonderful music. How we danced til the break of day. Every night when I seeked you, I was fresh from the shower. I can smell my body washed with green tea oil, and hair washed with Head and Shoulders. Alas the beach and sand is where you let your body think and left me to wander the web.

Secret Heart, oh how you kept your words. How no one knew. I remember the taste of our tears. The feel of your soft lips. Oh how I remember the smell of your hair. Thank you.... Thank you. You came and carried a burden you never should have picked up. You picked up the pieces, but I wanted you to have them.

Oh how I miss these days gone past, and how I rue them too. There is nothing like the memory to haunt you. Thank you all.

Children: Prologue

I am Nathaniel. I believe it is time we set the record straight. There have been many false and malicious speculations.This is why I will write about the origin of me and my twin, Imogen, to the tragedy that transpired in January 14th 2XXX. I hope the accounts of our lives will not only bring closure to the admirers and victims of my twin, but touch whoever reads this and inspire them. 

Lacerating Silence

It was a stormy night. The young man, starred at the lightening. His mind making it's way though the storm. A memory passes with a flash of lightening. "Was it all from pitty?" He wondered. He remembers a night where his heart was poured out, and the girl poured out hers. He even fantasized a kiss then he begins to wonder if it really happened. "Where is she now? What is she thinking?" He wonders. He looks at his last emails from her. "I really really miss you. <3"  Her last message to him, a little over two years ago. "What happened? Did I do something wrong?" he begins to stress over the question. His mind rants on, "Was I not there when you needed me the most?"

Then frustration fills his mind saying, "Was I not there??? I went to see you when I could! Didn't I say I love you?!" 

He wants to scream, but he knows he shouldn't, because of his family was sleeping. He looks at his email, it was empty. A tear runs down his cheeks. 

 

"Didn't I say I love you...?" 

Not For Intended Use.

I find it funny the way I am using this blog nowadays compared to when I first started it. Back then it was little excerpts from my writing and stories. Then it slowly evolved to mindless ramble. Now it's almost a journal, where I write out my thoughts. I wonder if there is anyone still reading this blog? Are they tired of the constant trash? Well I hope to change it up in time. If anyone still reads this please let me know. It would be nice to know if somebody is still out there.

The There and Back Again

I am now currently enrolled in SOWELA and enjoying the welding program. I really liking hands-on work, and I really like working with metal. Unfortunately, I am not doing too well. I am making better progress than a few. But since I have a child, attendance is starting to become a problem, which in turn affects my grade and practice. I have also been contemplating if welding is the right career path. Is it something I really want to do for the rest of my life? I don't know. I honestly never thought I would be welding. I really enjoy it, but I also find it frustrating. After few hairline fractures, my hand aren't as a steady as they should be also consistency is an issue with my welds. But at least my instructor says I am getting better. Well I hope to find out soon what I want to do with my life.

You Know That Feeling.

I wish you would seem more enthusiastic.
Why don't you sound more more genuine?
Why don't you show some emotion?
You sound like you don't care.
Can you say anything else than that?
Why don't you say more?

I honestly don't know why the way I communicate is insensitive. Did I say something?! Did I do something?! I am being who I am! Should I change who I am? Am I angry? Yes, but I can't stay angry. I just hope you know how deep your words can cut.

Peace Will Come

It's been a while since I written anything. But a lot of things have happen. I have a daughter now! She keeps us all very busy. It's stressful, sometimes I find myself a little annoyed. I know I will eventually develop better patience. However, my little girl isn't the main problem.
I am not sure what's been happening, but some of those whom I hold close just seem to be so cold. I sometimes feel unappreciated and unnoticed. There are times when they are hostile. And there are times when perfection is expected from me. All i have to say is I am not a perfect or good person, let alone a parent. I sometimes wish I knew what I was doing wrong. Sometimes I wish God would comfort me when I feel these things. I am still seeking God. Undoubtedly it's difficult at times. I also feel like a lot of my thoughts are foolish; because everyone seems to think so. It's so hard to express myself. I feel like I am alone sometimes. I often find myself daydreaming of a lot of certain things...