No more words.
No more voices.
No more happy inspirations.
Just a still quiet void.
No future.
No one to hold.
No one to love.
Oblivion is Fucking Nigh!
This emphemeral body...
Flesh and skin; soft, smooth, my bondage.
Bones and tendons; strong, hard, my bondage.
My organs are what keep me alive.
Shall I carve into them, No Future?
Are you there?
Hello, I am your Mind.
And I am your Future.
What do you want?!
Allow me and her, to lead you to the light.
No! Leave Alone!
Squeeze the hand, smoke and a loud thunderous voice resonates from it.
Crimson regret pouring from my head, splatters all over the empty void.
My Mind dismembered and ripped apart.
My Future, like the seeds of a dandelion, gone with the wind.
The end is fucking nigh....
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Reflection is Nigh
Please don't pay no mind to this mindless ramble. Read if you wish, but I am sure this won't make sense to anyone, but to me and God.
I think back a couple months, and I wonder what happened? Some talks of joy and adventure never really happened. I guess that's nothing new. I think I scared away a something wonderful aswell. Maybe as I removed the mask, my ugliness scared her away. No more hellos. Maybe I have it all wrong. Friend is all. Dang, kinda heart breaking. I wonder, why even bother waste a breath? Was I something special? No, she told me, I was getting my hopes up. She just that nice. Now I think back to 7 months compared to now. She used to always used to say hi, no more.... No more... No more hugs. No more glances. No more flattery. Not even a smile. That is now.
Deadly sighs.... Oh deadly sighs. Seeing my breath is life seeing my soul drifting away. The air is cold, cold like my heart and how I feel. It isn't fair.... But the fair left town.
Why do I think of these silly things? Why do I beg for it now? Why Of all things, why this?
I want someone to hold my hands, I want someone to hold me, embrace me, hug me....
I want to hold someone who loves me, and just cry. Just cry.
Oh dang, now my eyes are all teary... Perhaps what I want isn't what she wants.
I want her to put their arms around me and give me a kiss.
Damn this drive for physical contact.... Welcome to the World of Men... Disgusting men.... But that's what I am. No, I am not a man, just a boy... Just a boy...
I kneel in the showers, eyes closed, arms crossed across my breasts, latching onto each shoulder and just muttering.... "somebody love me, somebody love me."
I just want to scream it. But no, family is near.
Oh God, here come the tears..... Only if I could rest, rest and never wake up....
I feel so alone and cold....
I think back a couple months, and I wonder what happened? Some talks of joy and adventure never really happened. I guess that's nothing new. I think I scared away a something wonderful aswell. Maybe as I removed the mask, my ugliness scared her away. No more hellos. Maybe I have it all wrong. Friend is all. Dang, kinda heart breaking. I wonder, why even bother waste a breath? Was I something special? No, she told me, I was getting my hopes up. She just that nice. Now I think back to 7 months compared to now. She used to always used to say hi, no more.... No more... No more hugs. No more glances. No more flattery. Not even a smile. That is now.
Deadly sighs.... Oh deadly sighs. Seeing my breath is life seeing my soul drifting away. The air is cold, cold like my heart and how I feel. It isn't fair.... But the fair left town.
Why do I think of these silly things? Why do I beg for it now? Why Of all things, why this?
I want someone to hold my hands, I want someone to hold me, embrace me, hug me....
I want to hold someone who loves me, and just cry. Just cry.
Oh dang, now my eyes are all teary... Perhaps what I want isn't what she wants.
I want her to put their arms around me and give me a kiss.
Damn this drive for physical contact.... Welcome to the World of Men... Disgusting men.... But that's what I am. No, I am not a man, just a boy... Just a boy...
I kneel in the showers, eyes closed, arms crossed across my breasts, latching onto each shoulder and just muttering.... "somebody love me, somebody love me."
I just want to scream it. But no, family is near.
Oh God, here come the tears..... Only if I could rest, rest and never wake up....
I feel so alone and cold....
Friday, October 9, 2009
Dream of Beautiful Nightmares, Welcome to Hell.
My lady you are beautiful.... Please take this rose. It glows with an aura, almost as bright as yours. Ah, tell me your name, please let me see your face. But I am deaf and blind to them. Why? Why am I forbidden?
Ah! My love! On this day, are we to be married? Even from behind, I can tell you are beautiful! Ah... I see and feel your aura, it is like that of an Angel's.... Such pure light.... Oh please let me see your face? I hold in my hand, the band that represents our promise. Till death do us part, they say. Ah your hair beautiful... But your face, I am blind to, once again....
My angel, I fight this war for you! My friends they are being killed right before my eyes. Please wait for me.... As I lay on sands, my visions blurs, All I can do is stare at your picture. I wipe my blood from your beautiful portrait.
My love where are you? Where have you gone? I have come back. The stories I have to tell you! My love? My love.....? All I see is a bloody dagger, on the ground, and a crying man and woman is all I hear. They say that their daughter has taken her own life. With that dagger, she slew her own heart. But to their daughter's name they cry out to, but I am deaf it it. Could it be that it is you...?
It's not right, it's not fair. I come to holy ground, where many loved ones are interred. But I see not other cenotaph, but yours. Dearly Beloved is all it says. But what is this? A rose... No.... Could it be? The rose of my confession? Why, it has grown! It's tenrils go deep.
Ah my dearly beloved... The tendrils they creep all over me.... Their thorns, cut me deep. Oh God! The darkness... My love save me, please save me...
I don't want to be in the dark. I don't want to be in the dark. I don't want to be in the dark....
I awake to see myself in this room. What is this place? It's empty. It's cold. It's a purgatory....? Wait! At a distance I see a somebody... Is it you my love? A bloody curdling scream resounds from with that person.
As I run towards that person. I see... I see... It is you! Why are you dressed in your wedding gown? Ah you are beautiful..... But I wish to see your face.... However you probably have cloaked it. No matter.... My love turn around and look at me! I am here. You fall in my arms with such grace.....
God be merciful! The dagger! But, crimson fluids they make you all the more beautiful.... But I cannot lose you again. Wait for me, my love!
Let us meet death together! For, Death is the Road to Awe!
As I plunge the cold blade into my heart.... I feel no pain, but everything turns to darkness. God! No! Not Now! Deliver us from this Oblivion!
My love you have risen! Though I cannot see your face! I see your eyes! Your hands..... Why do they unsheath the knife from my heart?
The Dearly beloved's face is now revealed. Her face crawled with maggots and worms. Her eyes bloody red from rage. Her flesh rotted to the bone. As soon she withdrew the dagger from the man's heart she quickly plunged it back into his body. Into his eyes, his throat, ripped out his tongue. A bloody scene.
All can be heard is the man's maniacal laughs and bloody curdling screams.
Ah! My love! On this day, are we to be married? Even from behind, I can tell you are beautiful! Ah... I see and feel your aura, it is like that of an Angel's.... Such pure light.... Oh please let me see your face? I hold in my hand, the band that represents our promise. Till death do us part, they say. Ah your hair beautiful... But your face, I am blind to, once again....
My angel, I fight this war for you! My friends they are being killed right before my eyes. Please wait for me.... As I lay on sands, my visions blurs, All I can do is stare at your picture. I wipe my blood from your beautiful portrait.
My love where are you? Where have you gone? I have come back. The stories I have to tell you! My love? My love.....? All I see is a bloody dagger, on the ground, and a crying man and woman is all I hear. They say that their daughter has taken her own life. With that dagger, she slew her own heart. But to their daughter's name they cry out to, but I am deaf it it. Could it be that it is you...?
It's not right, it's not fair. I come to holy ground, where many loved ones are interred. But I see not other cenotaph, but yours. Dearly Beloved is all it says. But what is this? A rose... No.... Could it be? The rose of my confession? Why, it has grown! It's tenrils go deep.
Ah my dearly beloved... The tendrils they creep all over me.... Their thorns, cut me deep. Oh God! The darkness... My love save me, please save me...
I don't want to be in the dark. I don't want to be in the dark. I don't want to be in the dark....
I awake to see myself in this room. What is this place? It's empty. It's cold. It's a purgatory....? Wait! At a distance I see a somebody... Is it you my love? A bloody curdling scream resounds from with that person.
As I run towards that person. I see... I see... It is you! Why are you dressed in your wedding gown? Ah you are beautiful..... But I wish to see your face.... However you probably have cloaked it. No matter.... My love turn around and look at me! I am here. You fall in my arms with such grace.....
God be merciful! The dagger! But, crimson fluids they make you all the more beautiful.... But I cannot lose you again. Wait for me, my love!
Let us meet death together! For, Death is the Road to Awe!
As I plunge the cold blade into my heart.... I feel no pain, but everything turns to darkness. God! No! Not Now! Deliver us from this Oblivion!
My love you have risen! Though I cannot see your face! I see your eyes! Your hands..... Why do they unsheath the knife from my heart?
The Dearly beloved's face is now revealed. Her face crawled with maggots and worms. Her eyes bloody red from rage. Her flesh rotted to the bone. As soon she withdrew the dagger from the man's heart she quickly plunged it back into his body. Into his eyes, his throat, ripped out his tongue. A bloody scene.
All can be heard is the man's maniacal laughs and bloody curdling screams.
1st Stillness of Many Moons
This week was awkwardly.... depressing. In a way it had it's fair share of events. But even with all that went on, it felt quiet. Too quiet. Let's see what i remembered from this week....
Monday woke up late around 8:16 AM. Missed 1st hour.... I think I had a deep conversation with Devin or maybe that was Tuesday....
Tuesday was the day I had a deep meaningful conversation with Devin? Or that was Monday... Ah yeah! I had to work after school for Glenn.... Got back home around 11:59 AM and got to bed around 1:35 AM.....
Wednesday worked in Coach Paulk's garden, someone stole over $200 at the garden. Had to miss a lot of 7th hour because of it. But Coach Paulk said a handful of the people who actually worked (me included), where excused from the interrogation. A Sheriff Deputy Unit quickly parked out of the Garden's gate. Probably just incase any of the suspects decided to run.... Later that evening I finished this weeks laundry and got my hair cut.
Thursday... nothing really just a few of Tiffany's buddies came to study, but all they really did was play around. Rushed to do all of this week's homework and Cram reading Scarlet Letter. I used SparkNotes instead... Oh I also learned about Slender Man.... Look him up... Or look for video's on YouTube series titled Entry.... Got to bed around 2:43 AM. I saw shadows moving in the ceiling again... Could it be Slender Man or bats from Hell? I think I am at my breaking point.
Friday, Life's a Beach....... Woke up around 8:16 AM. Freaking missed the Psychology Exam!!! At least Devin made me feel a little better. At Least I didn't have to work...
Even though this week had it's highs and extreme lows, it felt unusally still. I was kinda melancholy this whole week. I wanted to write something, but again, Writer's Block is powerful foe. This threw me into a deeper sea of sorrow, I started thinking of a dream I had a few years ago...
Monday woke up late around 8:16 AM. Missed 1st hour.... I think I had a deep conversation with Devin or maybe that was Tuesday....
Tuesday was the day I had a deep meaningful conversation with Devin? Or that was Monday... Ah yeah! I had to work after school for Glenn.... Got back home around 11:59 AM and got to bed around 1:35 AM.....
Wednesday worked in Coach Paulk's garden, someone stole over $200 at the garden. Had to miss a lot of 7th hour because of it. But Coach Paulk said a handful of the people who actually worked (me included), where excused from the interrogation. A Sheriff Deputy Unit quickly parked out of the Garden's gate. Probably just incase any of the suspects decided to run.... Later that evening I finished this weeks laundry and got my hair cut.
Thursday... nothing really just a few of Tiffany's buddies came to study, but all they really did was play around. Rushed to do all of this week's homework and Cram reading Scarlet Letter. I used SparkNotes instead... Oh I also learned about Slender Man.... Look him up... Or look for video's on YouTube series titled Entry.... Got to bed around 2:43 AM. I saw shadows moving in the ceiling again... Could it be Slender Man or bats from Hell? I think I am at my breaking point.
Friday, Life's a Beach....... Woke up around 8:16 AM. Freaking missed the Psychology Exam!!! At least Devin made me feel a little better. At Least I didn't have to work...
Even though this week had it's highs and extreme lows, it felt unusally still. I was kinda melancholy this whole week. I wanted to write something, but again, Writer's Block is powerful foe. This threw me into a deeper sea of sorrow, I started thinking of a dream I had a few years ago...
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