Reflection is Nigh

Please don't pay no mind to this mindless ramble. Read if you wish, but I am sure this won't make sense to anyone, but to me and God.

I think back a couple months, and I wonder what happened? Some talks of joy and adventure never really happened. I guess that's nothing new. I think I scared away a something wonderful aswell. Maybe as I removed the mask, my ugliness scared her away. No more hellos. Maybe I have it all wrong. Friend is all. Dang, kinda heart breaking. I wonder, why even bother waste a breath? Was I something special? No, she told me, I was getting my hopes up. She just that nice. Now I think back to 7 months compared to now. She used to always used to say hi, no more.... No more... No more hugs. No more glances. No more flattery. Not even a smile. That is now.

Deadly sighs.... Oh deadly sighs. Seeing my breath is life seeing my soul drifting away. The air is cold, cold like my heart and how I feel. It isn't fair.... But the fair left town.

Why do I think of these silly things? Why do I beg for it now? Why Of all things, why this?
I want someone to hold my hands, I want someone to hold me, embrace me, hug me....
I want to hold someone who loves me, and just cry. Just cry.
Oh dang, now my eyes are all teary... Perhaps what I want isn't what she wants.
I want her to put their arms around me and give me a kiss.
Damn this drive for physical contact.... Welcome to the World of Men... Disgusting men.... But that's what I am. No, I am not a man, just a boy... Just a boy...

I kneel in the showers, eyes closed, arms crossed across my breasts, latching onto each shoulder and just muttering.... "somebody love me, somebody love me."
I just want to scream it. But no, family is near.

Oh God, here come the tears..... Only if I could rest, rest and never wake up....

I feel so alone and cold....