Thursday, February 20, 2014

Tried and Tired

I have tried and I am tired. I made my mistakes, and I am tired of trying to fix everything. I am tired of the chase. I am tired of trying to rebuild relationships. I've been patient and I know people are busy, but it's starting to look like they just don't think I am worth their time. I can read between the lines from time to time. I honestly would like an explanation. However I know how such patience is poisonous. Who am I kidding? If they won't take time to even say hi, then what am I thinking they will take time to explain their absence? There is so much more to be said, but why should I even try? Well, thanks for the memories.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Beauty Unobtainable

You force yourself to starve, and you wonder why you keep gaining weight. I have told you many times there is no magic pill, no super diet; you just need to get off your ass and start running. I give you suggestions for you to exercise with me, but you are never in the mood. You restrain yourself to only 1 meal a day, alas that one meal will not save you. You've gotten to the point eating makes you sick because your body is not used to the quantity of food you are taking in. You gain more weight and cry. I warned you and warned you. This is what would happen. You tell yourself you must be beautiful at any cost. At any cost... You snap and scream, you accuse me of being the source of your problems. You snap at my hands when I try to comfort you. You say being beautiful is the most important thing in the world to you. Who are you? What happened to the sweet, selfless woman that said I was the one thing she loved most? You tell me that fitting into that dress is most important thing for you to accomplish. Who are you trying to impress? Me? No that couldn't be right, because I love you and you are the most stunning to me. You tell me that you want people to take pictures of you and adore you. You want to be famous and rich. I can't provide you fame and wealth, but I can provide love. Alas, is that enough for you? It is not says you. You say it through your actions. You still seek this unobtainable goal. You will always be chasing will-o'-the-wisps. At last you have obtained your vision of beauty. But this is where I say good bye. After years patience, you finally broke my heart. You have betrayed our love. Your love was with Beauty, not me. Enjoy your finicky whore. For she will leave you with every passing moment. No amount of pampering you give her will keep her loyal to you. You will be wounded, the times will dictate what beauty is, you will age. Enjoy your beauty while you still can. You always said you must be beautiful at any cost, you spent and sacrificed so much to obtain your vision. Now you have spent me. Good bye.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Strong Shoulders

My shoulders carry so much weight, so my family says about me. They say I am too young. I am supposed to have fun. Get more sleep. Do well in school. They say I do too much. I just balance. I take care of my daughter and lover, attend school, and work graveyard shifts. For now it doesn't bother me. They worry I will break. Perhaps, but maybe not anytime soon. Yet I hear this... Clean up the house, keep everything clean, get a good job, work hard, be a man, grow a spine, get tough, lose weight, do good in school, be a good father, be a good lover. The more I think about it, it really does seem like madness. Maybe I will break, but maybe not this second. These shoulders are strong. I will carry my choices. My insides feel tight. My heart feels as if it is being squeezed. Breathing is hard. Eyes water and tears drip down my face. I don't think I am breaking. I will sleep on it. I will wake up refreshed. It will be a new day. I may not have have people helping me, but that's ok. I can do it all by myself. I can be strong. I can be a good man. I can provide. It's ok. I will not cry. I will live up to expectations. These shoulders are strong right? Is there anyone out there? I don't want to do this alone. Am I breaking?

Unwell

It screams at me. Seeing you just makes me sick. Thinking of what we have shared, drives me to the ground. So many unanswered questions. I cannot find peace. Let it go. I will make new memories. I will turn away from this hurt. I will let the pain pass through me and I will see that it was all for nothing. I am sorry I have kept you this long. I release you.