So Falls the Mask

Finally, I face the emotion that my friend told me I would.
A great foe.
Anger, jealousy, wrath.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I need help.
I feel so lost.
It's has left a terrible taste in my mouth.
All I've done, does it matter?
Will someone tell me an answer?
All my hard work.
All my missed opportunities in the name of a "future."
Tomorrow I might be gone.
Tomorrow might never come for me.
Missed opportunities for, I don't know "love?"
I am just I don't know anymore.
I feel bitter.
Finally I feel an ounce of despair.

Ode to a Closing Chapter

Good bye to ten months of my life.
Moments of happiness, there were.
Moments of sorrow, there were.
Ah! So much we have learned!
Rhetorical terms!
Time management!
Fancy words!
Intelligent words!
How to take multiple choice tests!
How to write an essay!
What makes our teacher tick!
And of course, we learned about each other.
My dear friends, although, I may not know all of you and I might not be your friend,
Just know you are mine.
These are ten months we all spent together.
In one classroom.
With one teacher.
Learning together.
Writing together.
And Laughing together.
I hope you all enjoyed the time we had together.
Many stories where told (including my traumatizing time at Crystal's).
Mrs. Leblanc, you have given us all priceless gifts.
Knowledge.
Inspiration.
Confidence.
And so much more.
I thank you.
Now I must say adieu.
And see you next fall.

Then This Will Be...

As I walk in shadow of nature, I wonder what has become of you and me?
Distant and cold, all we do is exchange cold glances.
Small pokes here and there, but only on the world wide web.
As I leave for war, will you know about it?
I wonder will you think of me?
Will you be waiting for that one poke, that you've sent?
If I die, will you hear of it?
Will you help scatter my ashes?
If I come back broken and scarred, will you comfort me?
One day we will meet, you will gaze into my eyes, and I will meet yours.
Your face, filled with awe and regret.
I will ask you, "Do you remember me?"
I know I will remember you.
You will say,"Only some days and some nights."
Then this will be...

Do You Have the Patience for Me?

Many say to never pray for patience.
Because it will bring much suffering.
I have prayed for patience since I've been saved.
Yes, many events have pushed me to insanity.
But now I have patience to see, observe, and understand you.
I know you have a low capacity for.
and I blame myself for the most part.
Because I was never there.
I had let you down so many times.
But sometimes, I wish you would have waited for me.
Because I waited for you.
Everyone tells me to be more assertive.
Maybe I should, but that's not me.

I Don't Know, Forgive the Me, Just Rambling.

So Why do I speak the truth, when it scares or anger people? Do people REALLY want you to ever speak the truth? No one wants to hear the truth that hurts the ear. Even I am guilty. So once again truth is the only sure way freedom. Secrets and lies can only chain you? I am still chained up, I don't know why I never told anyone my secrets. I just don't know, I am just searching for that one person to share my life with. The most I've told one person was the only half of my life. Then I was in a way betrayed. But that's the past. All is forgiven, but never forgotten.

Thanks for this life, God. You taught me so much. You put me through so much. You've given me so much. You saved me so many times.

I guess the truth is, I will not reveal any truths about me again. If given the choice of life and death... I am sure you know the answer, God. So when would you like to pick me up on eagle's wings? Ready whenever you are, just give me patience and wisdom. Maybe If you could at least allow me to go away to another world and be you know who.... Well maybe it's not the best thing to do. But if you can give me some reason to well you know, then maybe, just maybe, I can bear more fruit. Right now I am weak. As much as I want to bear a lot of fruit, I just don't fully appreciate the truth yet. As much as I try, I feel empty. So one man, has told me just to let go. Let you, Lord, do all the work. Well alright, I'll submit, I'll take my coat of my life and give it to you.